Tuesday, August 30, 2005
If you'd only see
How beautiful you and I would be
Endlessly.
I know I'll always just be a friend
But if you look my way
I'll make sure you'll never hurt again.
And in my sweetest dreams,
you learned to put your faith in me
Endlessly.
1:52 AM
Monday, August 29, 2005
I
DID HAD fun today while studying (sorta) with Dawn and Jen earlier at Coffeebean. We'd be laughing and laughing at every 5mins interval. So much for studying yea. At least they did before I arrived. Was supposed to be there at about 3 or 4, but only turned up at 6plus cause I napped. Heh. Too tired from all the late nights and irregular hours. :/ I'm just glad that I went out anyhow despite my lackadaisicality. We played daidee and I kept winning!! The both of them sucked la. LUUSY sia. Haha! That's Jen's new word. :D
Gonna cut my hair tmr!! Can't wait! And the next day I'll be working. and maybe Thurs as well. How to study for promos man. Sucks. OH. and my dad's a bitch. I just have to say that. Asswipe. I won't be surprised that I'll be kicked out of the house when he resigns from his job. It's just a matter of time, like he says. Good riddance for him, and good for me as well. I just need lodging. Fuck. :/
11:50 PM
Talking to my girlfriend is one of the best ways to end my nights. She made me laugh so much that I could have seriously fallen off the bed. Hahahahaha. She was doing this retarded 'tweet tweet' action from the movie Valiant over the webcam, and I just burst out laughing everytime she did so. Hahahahaha. Love you girlfriend!! (: (: (:
The funniest scenario was when she wanted to give me a goodnight kiss...
pigeons go TWEET TWEEEET! says:
come i kiss u
pigeons go TWEET TWEEEET! says:
lol..
pigeons go TWEET TWEEEET! says:
pur ur face at the screen there
pigeons go TWEET TWEEEET! says:
hurry
Trying to ignore the best parts of you. says:
should i put my cheek to the screen then?!
pigeons go TWEET TWEEEET! says:
1
pigeons go TWEET TWEEEET! says:
2
pigeons go TWEET TWEEEET! says:
3
--- (Webcam)
Trying to ignore the best parts of you. says:
wahahahahahaha
Trying to ignore the best parts of you. says:
so sweet siaaaaa.
pigeons go TWEET TWEEEET! says:
no
pigeons go TWEET TWEEEET! says:
lips leh
pigeons go TWEET TWEEEET! says:
LOL..
Trying to ignore the best parts of you. says:
ahahahahahah!
Trying to ignore the best parts of you. says:
lips another time la!
pigeons go TWEET TWEEEET! says:
NOW LEH
pigeons go TWEET TWEEEET! says:
1
pigeons go TWEET TWEEEET! says:
2
pigeons go TWEET TWEEEET! says:
3
--- (Webcam)
Trying to ignore the best parts of you. says:
I PUT LIPS YOU PUT TONGUE?!!!!!
Trying to ignore the best parts of you. says:
HELLO!
Trying to ignore the best parts of you. says:
wrong la wrong!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Please meet me soon, my dear gf. I miss you!!!
2:02 AM
Sunday, August 28, 2005
What if everything that I've done would be futile effort in the end?
I ponder about that every time I'm doing it.
Eventually, everything fades off into obscurity.
Nothing ever remains static anyway.
Tired. Exhausted.
I miss talking to my dear ones.
But fatigue just gets to me. :/
11:16 PM
Friday, August 26, 2005
Mom just called to ask me what do I want for a birthday present. She wanted to get me the new phone which she promised to get me 6 months ago as that. Honestly, I do not want it. I know I shouldn't be too demanding, but I just do not wish to receive a present which has no intention of it being a birthday present in the first place. I'd rather receive something small from her, and her bona fide intention of getting it was because it was my birthday. I do not even give two flying hoots about whether I'll receive a present or not in the first place. I just do not wanna receive something out of convenience or whatsoever. Is that too demanding? I dont know. :/
I abhor the knowledge of knowing that my birthday's arriving. It'll probably be as horrid as all the previous years. After all, promos are just a mere week away from it. Happy Birthday? ha, never for belle. Amen.
6:29 PM
Thursday, August 25, 2005
The talk with Cheryl today really made me feel so much better.
Thank you so much, Chang.
Although we verbally bite each other and everything else, you're one friend I know for sure that I'll discover the rest of my life with. Quarrelling, debating, laughing, crying and whatnots. (:
Wanyi, my dear wanwan.
Thank you for your email, thank you for you.
You're really like my pillar of strength which I do not know what I'd be without you supporting me in my life. You put a smile on my face, you'd pull me up somehow, sooner or later, whenever I'm starting to fall. And I can never thank you enough for that. Another friend I want to spend the rest of my life with, irrefutably. (:
You both mean so much to me.
I'm so blessed I've found the both of you.
And I apologise for the mushiness,
but I love you both. (:
11:25 PM
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
I received my first birthday present today!! (: (:
(although my birthday is still 3 weeks away)
Sis gave me Corrinne May's 2nd Album.
Am listening to it now.
Beautiful. (:
Thanks sis, if you do read my blog.
Sometimes, at the end of the day,
ultimately, it's my family who makes me smile. (:
11:53 PM
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
My heart cries, but who ever listens?
Feel the wrenching of my heart,
you wouldn't want to experience it again.
11:35 PM
Monday, August 22, 2005
Oh, and today's the happiest day of my life because I spent the night accompanying Jen while she studied at bishan.
(Imagine the rolling of my eyes)
Haha, but we did have fun anyway.
I just simply lovee looking and smiling at her till she gets annoyed with me. Hee. Can't wait to see you again soon, dear. (: (: (:
11:46 PM
I realised I haven't blogged much recently. Guess I've been rather busy trying to work while fighting influenza, and I just wasn't in the mood to blog about everything that's been happening in my life.
So, I've fallen ill since last week. And each day, it just gets worse somehow. Struggling to keep awake was almost impossible yet I had to. :/ Promos are getting nearer and nearer each day, deciding my place in CJ or Overseas. Honestly, I haven't started and I've not much motivation to stir me on. Especially with my little flu bug.
I've quite a number of issues going on in my life right now. Like how I'm scrimping up my finances because of my dad's situation, giving myself my one last longshot at something almost impossible, working part-time at my mom's office, trying to catch up with friends who I haven't been in contact with for some time, and most importantly yet unsuccessfully of all, trying to start on my work. Ha.
Alright, I'm starting to feel fatigue. Look at the damn time. I need more energy. :/
11:05 PM
Replies to TagsAndrea: does anyone not know that you're the one person who makes me smile despite whatever you may say? (:
Tricia: hello my sexy voice admirer. You drink more water too yes. Thanks for RETURNING my ipod. sheesh. haha.
Pam: Hahahaha!! it's Backgammon la ben dan!! And I don't know how to play that either. Haha! But okay! I'll teach you Bridge the next time we go out! Soon k? (:
Sem: Hope you had a wonderful anniversary, dear. lovelove too (:
10:55 PM
Saturday, August 20, 2005
I don't feel good doing this at all.
But maybe I'll be selfish just this once.
I'm sorry.
sigh.
12:52 AM
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
The person I'm missing most right now?
Shalini.It's gonna be her birthday in half an hour, and so much I'm wishing that I'm able to call her to wish her at the strike of midnight. So much. Now, there's no possible way of contacting her unless I call her at home, which her mom would probably pick up and give me a taste of hell again. This sucks. :/
I can still remember so vividly everything that happened 2 years ago between us. On this date, and on her birthday. Amazing. And to all my friends who were there with me, I miss you all too. Jey and Priya especially. So many things have changed, we've all drifted, located in different schools, living different lives. Without each and everyone of you, I would never have woven such unforgettable irreplaceable memories to remember by.
If you so happen to read my blog,
Happy birthday, Shalini. (:
I hope you'll have an enjoyable one like you did 2 years back.
And I really miss you
please do contact me soon.
11:24 PM
My rationale whenever I'm irrational.
My happiness, my bona fide euphoria.
The ones I'm discovering the rest of my life with. (:
2:12 AM
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Fireworks at the esplanade.
My first time watching that psychedelic display.
Iridescent as a prism.
Beautiful.
Best of all,
I was with my loved ones.
And you.
10:47 PM
Thursday, August 11, 2005
"I have very little things that keep me close to her. I treasure it a alot. Her playlist is one of the few and I can just keep replaying them over and over again just to feel closer to her. I'll never get sick of it. I just want to stay this way, even if it's just missing her. At least I'll feel like I'm somehow close to her." --- Cheryl
Somehow, when she said that, it got me stumped for a brief moment. I just didn't know what to say because she articulated what my heart felt in words. And that coming from Cheryl? It's bona fide rarity. ha.
Your songs will keep me close to you now that you're so far away.
10:37 PM
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
There's a girl that looks an awful lot like Shalini in CJ.
Too much alike, it's dangerous.
And I can't help but look at her whenever she's around.
Ha, history does catch up with you every once in a while.
And I feel like I've had enough of everything.
I feel like spending the rest of my days just cooped up at home, watching cartoons and other TV serials, listening to my music, and just sleeping in bed. And every now and then, I'll go cycle and run around my estate so that the blubber won't pile up. I'm just so sick and tired of every single damned thing.
Somehow, I don't wanna see anybody else but you.
10:18 PM
I am Cow
Hear me moo
I weigh twice as much as you
And I look good on the barbecue
Yogurt, curd, cream cheese, and butter's
Made from liquid from my udders
I am cow,
I am cow, hear me mooI used to abhor it each time you sing this song to me.
It's insanely annoying.
You loved this song. I hated it.
And I still do,
because now it makes tears form in my eyes
with flashbacks of us together in my mind.
5:09 PM
Monday, August 08, 2005
I'm gonna get drunk tonight.
Somehow, it feels pretty much affirmed.
Sorry Jen, you gotta bring me home and take care of me again. Haha.
12:56 AM
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Chang, Wanyi and I were retrospecting on our childhood at the bubble tea shop earlier. How nerdy and ugly I looked, Chang's K2 photo in her room which shocked me, and Wanyi was telling us how her mother saw her as a baby and cried. Hahahaha. Because her mom thought that she had a really ugly daughter.
Chang and I: Your mom is damn evil la.
Wanwan: It's okay la. I'm not ugly now anyway.
Chang and I: hahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Oh, and you gotta see Chang when she eats bak kut teh and doesnt have a tissue paper with her. It's quite a sight.. really. Hahaha.
My day started off in a very lackadaisical and gloomy note but had a turn for the better thanks to the both of them. These 2 people, I love very much. (:
10:22 PM
Why don't you let me be just a memory to you?Like I was part of the creativity your mind has woven.
6:45 PM
So yesterday didn't turn out as well as I thought it would have despite its many fantastic events and yadahoo.
Just during the day itself, I actually managed to fuck 4 people up. Not that I was the root to their problems, but I was partly culpable for triggering their emotional senses. And I feel fucken rotten about it. So much for a good start to the day.
DimSumDollies wasn't as superb as I expected it to be. It's still good though. I just think the first one was better. Somehow, I was laughing not out of pure euphoria but for that superficial hilarity portrayal. The best part for me was still the company I was with. Both the Twits and the Veggies. (:
Blase at Newsroom was good, yet I didn't revel in any bit of it. Newsroom was much bigger than expected. Not bad, really. The security was tight though. Many IDs got confiscated and many bounced out. Thanks to AJ, Cheryl and I managed to enter. Doreen used my sister's, and so did Merser. Oh, and I smuggled my dear Karina (who posed off as my drunk girlfriend. compatible yes? haha) and co in. Well, the music selection was good last night too. But all I did was sit at the bar counter with my smoke and drink. Afterwhich I realised all were high except for Cheryl. Took care of the drunk lot, walked to 711 to get them something to wake their senses up, and the usual railing in their faces shit. Even helped a drunk stranger who was lying on the floor, abandoned by his friends, and foaming at the mouth. There were really quite a number of drunks sprawled on the floor last night. Merser and AJ sent him back since they were staying near his place.
Surprisingly, despite drinking so much, I was sober enough. So funny that when I received a msg from you, I almost broke down. I think I scared Doreen and Cheryl. Sorry. :/ Gotham penthouse tmr.. if I were to go. It'd be for the drinks.
And Karina, I love you. Thank you for ending my day (at 6am) with a smile on my face. (:
6:06 PM
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Everytime I miss you, I'll take in a deep breath, close my eyes and repress my tears, and I'll exhale, letting it all go.
10:39 AM
A couple more hours till DimSumDollies. Afterwhich, clubbing at Newsroom. Monday, might be heading down to Gotham too. Man, I'm spending so much when my family is kinda strapped with cash. After this hols, I guess I'm really gonna cut down on my expenditure quite a huge bit. I've already started by not eating unless I feel my gastric coming up. I shall not shop for anything unnecessary anymore. God, please give me grace.
I never really realised or tried to understand the predicament of my family's financial status after Dad's accident. Yes, I'm a selfish inconsiderate spoilt brat when it comes to my family (according to sisso). Well apparently, Dad lost his sense of smell and it's fucking up his job really bad. Fact being that he's a tobaccoist. So chances are that he might lose his job. And once he does, we might have to sell the house and a lot of drastic measures would have to be carried out. Mom won't be able to keep up with the providence for the whole family alone. Never thought I'd end up here, but it's okay. I like cosy homes anyway. Just give me enough space to dodge my dad every time I'm home, and it's cool. (: Yea, so I guess I'm gonna be rather cash-strapped during this period of time. Maybe I won't go out so often anymore, stay home and spend time with the telly and my books.
Today was really an awesome day for me. Thanks to Wanyi, Jen, Cheryl and Andrea. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was really amusing although Cheryl and Jen found it rather silly, but Andrea and I were laughing the whole time. Hahaha. And ending the day with a conversation with Dawn just made it a whole lot better (despite the insults. ROAR.)
Thank God for friends like them. They just make me wanna devote my time to each of them and not think about
her anymore. Love. (:
1:23 AM
Friday, August 05, 2005
Sent my bluidy rotten ipod for repair yesterday. I think by the time it returns, my playlists would have too many songs to be stored. :/
Her playlist alone already contains 106 songs. knn. Haha. Truthfully, I feel quite happy and liberated during this break between us, yet I know that there's a part of me --the part that yearns for you-- that's disintegrating in misery despite my front. I've no idea how to react to
you. There's a part of me that wishes to talk to
you, yet there's another part that deters me away in a certain kind of despair-turned-abhorrence. -shrugs.
You seem happy anyway.
Gonna catch Charlie and The Chocolate Factory later with Jen, Andrea and Chang. Hope it'll be good! Albeit I've already heard negatory comments about it. :/
Last day of school + public holiday = Belle's happy.
Belle's happier because..
- I start off everyday (12am) talking to Jen (:
- Wanyi and Belle had the same break today.
- We had eye contact.
- Andrea makes me smile to myself
- Just revel being with Jen
- Chang?? My annoying other half. Haha. (:
- Dimsum Dollies tmr!!!!!!!
- Newsroom Bar!
- Gotham Penthouse!
I shall end this entry with happy thoughts. Depressing ones shall come tonight. :/ Haha. Okay, back to working with iTunes.
4:06 PM
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Today, I received a Bible. And I feel really awful about it. My GP teacher, who's also teaching my class's religious lessons, gave it to me during GP exam today. I was seriously taken aback. Touched, but too surprised. Everyone sitting around me was too. Plus it's not as if the Bible is a very cheap book. :/ And the reason why she's giving me the Bible is because I told her I wanted to join in for her religious classes. But for the wrong reasons -- to escape from my home tutor's boring NE lessons as well as seeing her face in case I need to do detention again. Imagine how fucking awful I feel right now. :/ But in a way, I'm glad too. I've been wanting to get a proper bible for quite some time now. God provides in mysterious ways. :)
I haven't been going to school regularly this week. So far, I've only gone on Tuesday. I don't even feel like going tmr, especially when lessons are gonna end at 5. And I've been feeling so fatigued these days. I'm seriously such a lazybum, I know. But at least I've been starting to turn up for my basketball trainings that damages at least one toe every training. Ohwell.. I just want to sleep and never wake up.
12:46 AM
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
I'm feeling surprisingly hyper with a pinch of insanity blended into me right now! I've no idea why, but I'll revel in it while it lasts. (:
Good thoughts!!
- Dim Sum Dollies this Saturday!! Excitement Excitement!!
- Went for my first morning run with Wanyi this morning! Slim and Slender bodies coming up!!
- Bothered to attend Detention and ended up catching up with
Claudio!
- Spent more than 30mins deliberating in Popular on my book purchase but decided not to get any in the end! HAHA!
- Borrowed
Bonjour Monsieur Shlomi and
Before Sunset!!
-
Wanyi makes me laugh all the time.
I love her!! (:
- Talked to
Andrea dearest! Although she wanted to kill me, I still love her! (:
- Exchanging gibberish with
Sasa is too cool yo!! :D
-
Jen's gonna call me tonight!! I missed her phonecalls!
- Catching up with
Karina really elevates my spirits. All the time. I miss you so much, girl! Really.
I don't know if this is a good thought or not..
I still think of you, but I just didn't miss you that much today.
10:24 PM
Monday, August 01, 2005
The things we did, the things we said
keep coming back to me and make me smile again.Departures in life. Why does physical distances have such huge impacts on our lives? Technology may keep one close to each other, yet the absence can still be felt. Albeit things may get mundane if they remain static, sometimes I wish things never had to change. Sometimes I wish I'd just be stuck in one perfect memory that will last for an entire day with no tomorrows on its way.
Talking to Jolene somehow really made me want to leave Singapore. I don't know why. I guess I could just sense the streaks of sentimental melancholy in between her sentences. I just pray that she'll be fine.
Tricia, please take care of her.I've already talked to Mom about me leaving next year if I don't pass promos (which I highly doubt I will). Perhaps to Melbourne, perhaps to Canada. Cheryl's right, it's gonna be difficult trying to adapt into a whole new environment alone especially when it's in a foreign land, but I'm gonna try nonetheless. I've tried Ghim Moh, I've tried CJ. Another challenge, that's what I'll see it as. Besides, I've always wanted to leave this place and start afresh somewhere else, and this year and its predicaments just accentuated that inclination in doing so. The only thing that's shackling me down is the attachments I've woven here in my life. Especially those that mean so much to me.
Well, this year has been full of gyrations that hammered me to my lowest points where I broke down and cried. I've never felt so hopeless in my life before. I just wish I was as strong as I was before, with people closest to me standing right by my side. But wishes never do come true, do they? Oh well.
8:50 PM
